dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
