Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
