I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
