tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
