Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Boobs speak an international language.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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