i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
