so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
