I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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