pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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