he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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