Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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