if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
