oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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