I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
