god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
