Nicole vs. Life
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
