I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
