I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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