my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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