Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
