I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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