He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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