Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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