I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You're like the curious george of whores
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
