OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
