help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
