this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize