Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
