Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
