So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
