when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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