we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize