My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
