i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize