take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
