this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
