How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
