is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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