Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize