i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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