Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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