my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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