my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
