Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
