Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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