omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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