I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
