what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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