Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
