If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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