Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
