Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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