My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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