Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
