Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
