he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
