Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
