why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
