Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
