Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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