Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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