idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
