i may or may not be watching the land before time
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
