I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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