oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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