D3 body, D1 cock
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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