Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
