just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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