what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
