I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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