dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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