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I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
